The Chosen Path

Alhamdulillah, I still didn't get any spot or call to any public university to further my studies in degree level. I'm writing this, not because I want to brag or bitching around about my fate, NO. I just want to share my not-so-lucky-yet (read: tak ada rezeki lagi) experience to those who might think they are the only ones who have problems to handle. If any of my friends ask me what I feel about it, I just want to let you guys know that, I'm totally fine. I've came to the point where I've accustomed to the pains and I've picked every pieces of mine and glued it together. It's okay to experience this kind of failure so hard, so many times because I barely feel the pains now. Maybe just a little bit upset. 

But, Allah has a better plan for me. I got an offer to further my degree studies in Bachelor in Education (TESL) course at Management & Science University (MSU). Alhamdulillah.. but, frankly speaking, I'm not mentally ready to further my studies in private university as I know that the amount of money I'm gonna use is frigging a lot. As what I've surveyed, I have to rent a house eventho I'm in my first year of degree in Shah Alam. Heh. I really don't have to tell you guys how much it costs. Yes, the thing that really matters now is money. Abah and Mama told me to pursue my dream, as what I've started, I really have to accomplish it to the finish line. Money might not be a main issue for Abah but for me, to be that kind of daughter who is hard to ask for money from her parents, is a big issue. 

I really don't want to burden my family especially my parents with money some sort of stuffs, but I'm so lucky to own a responsible dad as Abah said "Iza tak payahlah fikir pasal duit untuk pergi belajar ni. Soal duit ni Mama dan Abah je fikir". I really feel like I wanna burst into tears when Abah directly said that to me. My life ain't a movie. But I really wanna end my studies with a happy ending. Thus, I've settled down the acceptance offer and education loan stuffs in these few days and I really wanna further my studies in MSU. These mean, there's no turning point for me any more. I shall not be remorse for what I've chosen today for my future. I believe Allah has a lot of hidden reasons why He puts me in these trials.

Hey! My road to success is under construction.

Pray

Pray when it hurts. When you are so down on your luck and you want someone to turn to. Pray when you are happy. When you finally got all that you wanted and even more. Pray when you are lost and confused. When you have no idea what's right or wrong. Pray to fill in the spaces, the gaps. Pray constantly and fervently in search of peace of mind and stability.

Pray, pray and pray as Allah will always listens to us.

Mom Worries

I didn't get any spot to any college for degree first intake and I feel so numb quite dumb. My parents worry about my future but what I supposed to react? Do I have to mourn, scream or cry over it because I can't further my studies yet? I'm no longer the old Iza who used to cry over the split milk, mom. I gotta be strong for what future awaits me. I'm not going to cry. I'm really not going to, never ever. 

My parents still worry, especially mom. She asked me why do I look like nothing has happened and I just shrugged and didn't reply because I don't know how to explain what I really feel inside. It is just my heart whispered, I've become stronger for what has killed me so many times. I call it somewhat rejections. I'm sad and you didn't know and I can't explain it how. I know God can't be so cruel to me as I've encountered a lot of conflicts in my foundation year. These times are hard but sooner or later, it will pass.

In Allah's plans, I fully trust.