Sky

"There are people who are always in love with the sky, no matter the weather. One day you will find someone who'll love you the same way."

#6

"Feelings don't die easily because we keep feeding them with memories."

#5

I grabbed the pen to write my misery,

but the pen cried before my eyes did.

Sappy Love Poems

I write sappy love poems,

Then, I throw them away.

Just because they'll never be good enough for you,

Just because I can't put my feelings into words,

Just because I'm shy, 

Or maybe just because I don't want you to read them,

Just because I don't want you to know.

But probably, just because I don't know

how you'd react when you know.

Just because I'm scared,

Just because it's so intense,

Or just because it isn't strong enough to

convey what I wanted to say.

Just because I think you're awesome.

Just because I think you're the best.

Just because I think nothing will be good enough.

Just because-

I write you sappy love poems, 

Then I throw them away.

But I know you know anyway.

And just because-

I love you more every day.

#4

Alhamdulillah for everything that I received since my birthday until today, I'm honestly in no place to complain about the bad things or predicaments that I have encountered before. Allah grants me so much blessing that I have never directly prayed for. Probably the things that I received were the only things that just crossed my mind. Sometimes I feel embarrassed for getting a lot of presents from my family, my friends because it feels like I don't really deserve these. Probably because of I always think of others' feelings too. Sometimes I'm afraid that my happiness is not my friends' happiness, sometimes I'm afraid to be happy while some people are grieving on my happiness. For me, the real happiness is when it is shared to others. It is shared with those who are in need. If and only if I could accurately describe my feelings right now.. I think I'd feel better.

Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah.

Six Months

I found that there a lot of unexpected things have happened between us within these six months. Sometimes I do not believe in myself that you would still stay regardless of how much pain I gave to you. It is not easy to fall in love and to be loved. It is not easy to have someone to still love you regardless of how imperfect you are, how sensitive you can be. It is not easy to have someone to stay comfort in silence. It is not easy to have someone who loves you from zero. I love you. I love you even I have never said it to you verbally. 

I love you and I really meant it.

I'll wait for you to come home. 

Chaos, I'm in love.

I decided to fall in love. I won't say it as - again.
No. It's for the first time, first time.

I'm in love with my high school sweetheart 💖

Tiada Beza

"Sakitnya hati aku weh.."
"Kenapa ni?"
"Dia buat aku camni..Geramnya Ya Allah.. Cuba kalau dia ada kat tempat aku? Dia tak fikir ke apa aku rasa? Dia tak consider pun perasaan aku" :'(
"Mungkin dia tak sengaja?"
"We have talked this over lah.. Geram tahu tak? Kau rasa kan, kalau aku buat benda yang sama macam yang dia buat kat aku, dia akan rasa sakit hati tak?"
"Tuhan tu kan Maha Adil, kalau kau nak amik tindakan macam tu, apa beza kau dengan dia sekarang?"


Often that we think, by inflicting pain to others will make us feel better, but eventually the answer is the other way round. He is Al-Adl, let's let Him does His justice.

SPM 2015?

It has been three years since I received my SPM result. Often that I remind myself that examination result won't lead me to be a successful person but efforts for every single thing that I do will help me to go through every hardship that I'll encounter. Today is the day that SPM 2015's results are released. Flashing back to the days when I thought SPM is everything, frankly I swear it is the most stupidest faith that I once hold onto. I'm not saying those who got splendid results won't succeed but this is just a message for those who did not achieve good results yet to stay firm on a brand new believe that it is called 'hope'. Yes, there is always hope for those who really really yearn for it. All you need to do is keep on going, keep on pursuing your dream. 

Easier said than done, isn't it? But that's how things work. I'm not being sappy here okay, I tell you the truth. There is one, my acquaintance who did very well in SPM, but he/she is now studying in one of the private colleges in Malaysia because of some stuffs after SPM did not work out the way like before. He/she did not really perform during foundation/A level. Meanwhile, a few good friends of mine who just got few As, are now studying in UK and US, fully sponsored. Now, it's no longer on the matter of how many As you got, but how much efforts you can offer in achieving your goals? With Allah wills, nothing in universe can stop you from achieving it.

Then, which of the favors of your lord will you deny?

#3

Sampai nanti hujan tidak lagi membicarakan tentang kerinduan. 
Sampai nanti hujan mengantarkan kita pada hangat pertemuan. 

#2

I get so scared to go sleep sometimes. Thinking I won’t wake up until I’m in my grave. The amount of deeds I’ve done so far in 20 years, was it enough to save me from the punishment of the grave? The amount of sins I’ve committed, will it out do the number of deeds I've done? Was it really worth it? Praying my prayers late, saying ‘uff’ to my parents, fighting with my sister, not really helping my friends when they needed me, not giving enough charity, raising my voice at my eldest siblings, being lazy when it comes to reading the Quran, forgetting Allah SWT at times, missing FAJR because I love my sleep etc. Will my good deeds save me tonight if I close my eyes and never wake up? Do I deserve jannah?

Lone Ranger

Lima belas Januari haritu aku pergi camp. Kalau kawan-kawan aku tanya aku kenapa aku pergi sorang je dengan orang-orang yang aku langsung tak kenal (total strangers), aku pun tak tahulah nak jawab apa. Mungkin aku rasa bila aku sedih, aku perlu escape dari kesedihan tu. Luar nampak senyum, manis. Hati makan dalam, pedih. Tak ramai pun tahu apa yang dah berlaku dua tiga hari ni kat aku. Aku simpan je dulu, remuk rendam sorang. Lama. Sampai housemates ingat aku sakit. Pucat, lesu. "Kenapa Mijaa? Kau sakit ke?" *geleng* "Mijaa okay je". Ya, aku memang suka menipu soal hati aku. Takkanlah aku nak jaja kat semua orang kan? Aku tahu bukan semua orang akan faham, dan mungkin bukan masanya lagi untuk aku berkongsi.

Masa hari kedua camp tu, ada sorang ahli kumpulan aku tanya, "So far, kau rasa camp ni best tak?". Segeralah aku jawab best! Gila kau tak best.. akulah penyebab semua ahli kumpulan aku kena denda Subuh tu. HAHAHA! Kiteorang kena rendam dalam sungai, pastu golek-golek atas tanah depan orang ramai. Sebabnya, aku paling lambat sampai dewan and bila lagu dah habis pasang, aku still tak sampai-sampai dewan lagi. Itu je *buat muka toya* Alhamdulillah, banyak benda aku belajar. Aku belajar bersabar, bertolak-ansur, kerjasama dan survival skills (first aid, knotting, survival cooking, compass, fly & CPR). Lepas ni kalau sesiapa nak ajak aku masuk hutan, aku akan on je kot without having second thought. InshaAllah. Banyak lagi kisah camping 3d2n aku kat Tanjung Malim, Perak ni. Tapi, biarlah sebahagian dari cerita itu, aku simpan buat bekal di hari tua je. *Cehh* InshaAllah, semoga aku sempat tua.

*Gambar on the way balik lepas siap-siap kemas barang & jalan kaki ke KTM Tanjung Malim dengan orang-orang yang aku baru kenal selama 3 hari 2 malam* 

#1

Tubuh meringkuk dalam pembaringan. Mata sembab, tangis cengkam. Sahabat aku menghampiriku.

"Mijaa.. minumlah sikit air ni.."

*kesat air mata sendiri* 

*tersedu-sedan*

*nangis lagi*

"Taknak.. nanti.. nanti air mata masuk dalam air..."

Untuk Kamu, Aku Akan

"Sesuatu yang boleh menjadi suri hatiku, pastinya membuatkan jiwaku lena dibuai senyumannya. Sesuatu yang jiwanya halus tetapi akalnya kukuh. Yang mempunyai perasaan marah, gembira, suka dan hiba namun setiap kali dizahirkan ia keluar cukup indah emosinya. Sesuatu yang mahir berbahasa malah mampu menghidupkan jiwa lain dengan kata-katanya, malah mampu menghidupkan jiwa lain yang sudah mati. Sesuatu yang boleh melihat nilai disebalik sepatu burukku dan baju lusuhku. Dan yang paling penting, sesuatu yang sanggup berkorban dan mengorbankan tanpa sedikit pun merasa terkurang."  - Aspalela, 2012.

Catatan Aspalela

Gadis yang ceria ini,
Tak pernah lekang dengan
senyuman dan gelak tawa.

Dan gadis itu baru tersedar,
Dia memandang wajahnya, tersenyum.
Lalu berkata pada diri,

"Iza, kau seorang yang ceria dan tabah.

Jangankan kerana seorang lelaki itu, 

senyumanmu diragut, kebahagiaanmu hilang."

p/s: Aspalela rindu senyumanmu. 

Place Allah in Your Heart ❤️

Surat Untuk Masa Lalu

Kepada Masa Lalu,

Apa khabar? Pastinya berada dalam keadaan tertinggal di belakang, dan sering mahu dilupakan. Maaf kerana jarang menziarahimu, kerana saya sibuk memesrai Masa Hadapan.

Masa Lalu,

sepertinya orang lain, saya dengan begitu terdesak ingin melupakan kamu. Kamu, adalah sesuatu yang saya tidak perlukan, hampir setiap hari. Kamu pasti tahu, kamu banyak musuh, kan? Musuh-musuh kamu adalah mereka yang ingin menjadi lebih baik, mereka yang ingin maju, mereka yang patah hati, mereka yang gagal. Saya, adalah sebahagian daripada mereka.

Kamu tahu, hampir setiap saat saya hampir memaki kamu, kerana apa yang telah terjadi pada saat-saat yang telah berlalu. Tapi hari ini, tiba-tiba saya tersedar sesuatu. Kamu, Masa Lalu, bukanlah sesuatu yang teruk sebenarnya. Sungguh. Hampir saya menangis kerana menyesali perbuatan saya, mengutuk, menyumpah dan menyalahkan kamu atas segala kegagalan saya. Saya lupa, yang bersalah itu saya, bukan kamu.

Dalam sejenak saya terfikir, apabila saya mengutuk kamu, sebenarnya saya sedang mengutuk takdir. Dan mengutuk takdir bererti saya mengutuk Tuhan. Nauzubillah. Astaghfirullah.

Masa Lalu,

kini saya berasa hendak memeluk kamu. Kenapa? Sebab tanpa kamu, mana bisa saya jadi seperti sekarang. Tanpa kamu, mana bisa saya menjadi lebih baik. Kerana adanya kamu, Masa Lalu, kamu mengajar saya menjadi dewasa, mengajar saya memaknai rasa, mengajar saya mengenal diri, mengajar saya tentang keputusan, dan banyak lagi.

Hampir-hampir saya melupakan kebaikan kamu wahai Masa Lalu, tatkala hati saya dimamah penyesalan. Kini, saya menulis kerana mahu mengucapkan terima kasih. Terima kasih atas segala pengajaran, sungguh pun ia datang begitu lewat. Sungguh, terima kasih.

Masa Lalu,

tak mungkin saya melupakan kamu ketika masih hidup. Kerana kenangan, tarikh luputnya sepanjang hayat. Selagi hidup, selagi itu saya akan terikat dengan kamu. Pun begitu, saya tak boleh selalu menziarahi kamu, bimbang saya terlepas sesuatu yang lebih baik untuk masa hadapan. Moga kamu tetap di tempatmu, agar sesekali saya ingin berbicara tentang penyesalan dan hikmah, kamu selalu ada untuk mendengar dan memberi tunjuk ajar. Jumpa lagi nanti.

Ikhlas,

Saya di saat ini.

Actions or Words?

I don't know how and when my life has turned the other way around, from a total disastrous mess into a beautiful one. I think my life is getting better as I'm slowly moving on from my past. I have moved to the next level in my life and there are some new people who actually help me to reassemble the pieces of mine together without them realizing it.

There are people who have came into my life and told me "Hey, I like you". Please tell me how am I supposed to reply to that? 'Thank you? I guess. I couldn't deny myself that I'm that kind of cliché girl you met on the street who is easily fall in love with chessy words. That is my biggest problem when it comes into feelings. I easily fall in love when people give and say nice words to me. But I think I should modify that kind of mindset you know. I should learn to believe that sometimes words come easy, they don't even mean that and I should trust actions rather than words.

All of the messages; 'nanti nak datang merisik', 'saya tunggu awak' aren't my things now. I shouldn't rely on that ideas for now until it turns into actions. Until someone is ready to honour my Abah as my wali. It hurts you know when people give you hope and at the end of the day they are the ones who break it all. So, let fate takes the wheel shall we? A love relationship should be the safest zone, where you feel secure with your partner and I do believe the safest relationship is by marriage when someone is willing to accept and deal with all of my flaws and little cheeky-super-annoying attitudes.

What is the most important thing for me now is to improve myself to be a better person and keep on praying that Allah will grant me the best spouse to complete half of my deen. InshaAllah :)