Pernah

Pernah;

Aku lari cukup deras
Pekik nama engkau
di tengah padang luas
Jerit sehabis nafas
Paksa jiwa tidak tewas

Tapi sayang;

Yang ku kejar itu
Cuma bayang bayang
Yang berdiri tanpa orang
Aku terlambat
Sudah terlewat

Namun;

Masih diayun langkah itu
Masih jerit perit penuh semangat
Walau jiwa sudah lama ranap

Masih

Balik rumah sekejap yang cuma dapat tatap muka mama abah kita
dalam masa kurang 60 minit itu pun jadi lah.

Cium peluk mereka.
Rakam suara mereka.
Hidu bau mereka.
Simpan dalam kocek.

Harap harap bau itu masih kekal ada.
Walau hujung dunia ku kendong ia.

Harap harap perakam peti suara masih berguna.
Biar berkali kali ku ulangi rakamannya.

Suara mereka mereka yang ku rindu itu.
Masih kekal dalam rakaman minda ku.

Masih.

Eksotikata² 2014

Aku suka puisi, daripada puisi jalanan ke puisi kontemporari ke puisi klasik; segala macam puisi engkau namakan saja. Aku suka puisi dan di sepanjang kehidupanku, puisi yang diperdengarkan aku yang paling aku suka ialah Puisi Seruan dari Tuhan. KalimahNya yang engkau laungkan saban hari, memanggil-manggil kita untuk menuju kejayaan. 

Tapi bukan itu pokok yang aku ingin ceritakan di sini. Cerita pokoknya perihal seorang gadis yang begitu mencintai puisi, berusaha untuk ketemu dua pemuisi yang dia suka. Wani Ardy dan Fazleena Hishamuddin. Tak lupa, terima kasih buat sahabat-sahabat yang menemani aku. 

Bukankah kecurigaan telah terbunuh ketika kita bersapa?

Usman Awang

Pemuda dan Gadis Tionghoa, 1961

Puisi yang direkod; 011114

Orang Bukan Faham

“Orang bukan faham pun apa kita rasa.

Kita menjeritlah.

Menangislah.

Orang tetap tak rasa dan tahu.

Melainkan Dia.

Tetapi kita ni,

tetap juga nak utamakan manusia melebihi Dia.

Walhalnya ujian dan masalah itu adalah

kasih sayang Dia pada kita.

Luahlah  pada Dia.

Kenapa perlu manusia.

Mungkin Allah tak beri respon yang memuaskan.

Gitu?

Tidak.

Allah itu Maha Memahami.

Maha Mengetahui.

Setiap corong dan celah yang kita

sembunyikan sakit itu pun Dia tetap tahu dan rasa.

Tapi,

Dia minta kita kuat.

Bukan minta kita lemah.

Bukan minta kita bersangka buruk

padaNya.

Berdoalah.

Bersujudlah.

Dengan berdoa dan bersujud itu.

Dia akan berikan kita kekuatan yang

Luar biasa.”

Homies

There's a lot of stories about myself that are better left unsaid. Unpredictable things that have happened to me, I'll take it as lessons. I actually have came to the point where I have to agree on what Hlovate said in her book, Rooftop Rant. But please don't judge what we don't even bother to understand.

"There're times when strangers are like family, and family are like strangers" 

- Rooftop Rant, Hlovate

MSU di Hatiku ❤

"You wouldn't find any university that located in front of the highway and behind a river in Malaysia. And never underestimate a university's capabilities based on its field size because we have Stadium Shah Alam nearby" -  Dato'Rosli Yusof (Vice President, Corporate Communication)

I've been here, in Management & Science University (MSU) for about almost 3 weeks and I got to say that MSU is great, yes so far. I have good housemates in Brunsfield, good project manager, met good friends. I also have my bestfriend from Lendu in MSU which makes my life merrier than I imagined. The orientation also went well. My group which named Bryan Adams 14 had to perform ballet dance ahh that was so embarassing but funny event! We all got a chance to see medic (MBBS) students dancing, how cool was that huh? ( ｰ̀εｰ́ ) I wouldn't compare my orientation week with public universities' orientation because in here, we have slightly different rules that we all have to practice but undoubtedly it's totally good in here. Alhamdulillah.. and I even love MSU's theme songs especially Jasamu Di Hati. Hahaha I have to admit that sometimes I will unconsciously spontaneously  karaoke that song in bathroom. So, I would like to share MSU's songs as I love this university.

#1 MSU Theme Song

#2 MSU Jasamu Di Hati

Budi dan jasamu kan sentiasa dihatiku
Di sinilah mindaku mula dibina
Membawaku ke puncak jaya

Suka duka di sini riang gembira
Kita bagaikan bersaudara
Kita melalui kenangan indah
Kembara ilmu bersejarah

Terima kasihku atas segala pengorbananmu
Management and Science University
MSU pilihanku segala jasamu dihatiku
Impian kita menjadi nyata

Cemerlang MSU,terbilang namamu
MSU pilihanku kebanggaan semua.

I'm gonna love this place and live my life to fullest in MSU ＼(>o<)ノ

The Chosen Path

Alhamdulillah, I still didn't get any spot or call to any public university to further my studies in degree level. I'm writing this, not because I want to brag or bitching around about my fate, NO. I just want to share my not-so-lucky-yet (read: tak ada rezeki lagi) experience to those who might think they are the only ones who have problems to handle. If any of my friends ask me what I feel about it, I just want to let you guys know that, I'm totally fine. I've came to the point where I've accustomed to the pains and I've picked every pieces of mine and glued it together. It's okay to experience this kind of failure so hard, so many times because I barely feel the pains now. Maybe just a little bit upset. 

But, Allah has a better plan for me. I got an offer to further my degree studies in Bachelor in Education (TESL) course at Management & Science University (MSU). Alhamdulillah.. but, frankly speaking, I'm not mentally ready to further my studies in private university as I know that the amount of money I'm gonna use is frigging a lot. As what I've surveyed, I have to rent a house eventho I'm in my first year of degree in Shah Alam. Heh. I really don't have to tell you guys how much it costs. Yes, the thing that really matters now is money. Abah and Mama told me to pursue my dream, as what I've started, I really have to accomplish it to the finish line. Money might not be a main issue for Abah but for me, to be that kind of daughter who is hard to ask for money from her parents, is a big issue. 

I really don't want to burden my family especially my parents with money some sort of stuffs, but I'm so lucky to own a responsible dad as Abah said "Iza tak payahlah fikir pasal duit untuk pergi belajar ni. Soal duit ni Mama dan Abah je fikir". I really feel like I wanna burst into tears when Abah directly said that to me. My life ain't a movie. But I really wanna end my studies with a happy ending. Thus, I've settled down the acceptance offer and education loan stuffs in these few days and I really wanna further my studies in MSU. These mean, there's no turning point for me any more. I shall not be remorse for what I've chosen today for my future. I believe Allah has a lot of hidden reasons why He puts me in these trials.

Hey! My road to success is under construction.

Pray

Pray when it hurts. When you are so down on your luck and you want someone to turn to. Pray when you are happy. When you finally got all that you wanted and even more. Pray when you are lost and confused. When you have no idea what's right or wrong. Pray to fill in the spaces, the gaps. Pray constantly and fervently in search of peace of mind and stability.

Pray, pray and pray as Allah will always listens to us.

Mom Worries

I didn't get any spot to any college for degree first intake and I feel so numb quite dumb. My parents worry about my future but what I supposed to react? Do I have to mourn, scream or cry over it because I can't further my studies yet? I'm no longer the old Iza who used to cry over the split milk, mom. I gotta be strong for what future awaits me. I'm not going to cry. I'm really not going to, never ever. 

My parents still worry, especially mom. She asked me why do I look like nothing has happened and I just shrugged and didn't reply because I don't know how to explain what I really feel inside. It is just my heart whispered, I've become stronger for what has killed me so many times. I call it somewhat rejections. I'm sad and you didn't know and I can't explain it how. I know God can't be so cruel to me as I've encountered a lot of conflicts in my foundation year. These times are hard but sooner or later, it will pass.

In Allah's plans, I fully trust. 

Duhai Hati yang Bersedih

Mahu tak sedih.

Orang lain gembira. Kau seorang, simpan dalam hati perasaan gembira, tak mampu nak diluahkan dek terlebih kisah duka daripada suka.

Mahu tak kecewa.

Orang lain ketawa sedang kau dari pagi petang malam bila berseorangan tak berhenti keluar air mata sebab beban makin hari makin memberat kau bawa.

Mahu tak rasa teraniaya.

Orang lain berbangga dengan kejayaan mereka, kau pula menyorok kerana tak ada satu apa yang boleh kau tunjuk pada mereka untuk dibangga.

Tapi.

__

Mahu tak rasa bahagia.

Orang lain bergembira, bergelak tawa sedangkan kau, diuji Dia. Bila depan Allah kau mengadu padaNya.

Satu nikmat. Nikmat dapat mengadu pada Rabb.

Allah uji sebab Allah sayang duhai sahabat, duhai saya. 

Bersabarlah, apa yang Allah simpan itu jauh lebih baik.

Kalau ujian setakat ini buat kau berputus asa dengan rahmatNya, fikirkan pula berapa banyak nikmat yang telah Dia kurnia. Countless. Infinity. Sabar tatkala diberi ujian. Syukur tatkala diberi nikmat. InsyaAllah. Dia redha.

- HanyaSekadarHamba 

Be Honest

Assalamualaikum and hi.

White people said 'Honesty is The Best Policy'. I couldn't agree more with that statement because I've encountered a few of 'honesty scenes'. Here is I want to share some stories.

Last night, my sisters and  I went to a book store. We bought a lot of stationary stuffs and I thought it might exceed the amount of money that we brought and at that time my big sister was waiting in the car with her little son. When my little sister and I were about to pay, and the cashier done with the calculation, I was so surprised because the things that we loaded on the cashier table only cost RM 17. I was so confused at that time because my lil sister bought a lot of exercise books (about 4 books) and pens. I honestly do not good in math but yup I still know that the cashier miscalculated it. So yes peeps, honesty is the best policy! What if someone will take it for granted? It might cause the cashier to pay it back to her employer or be fired. However, it is not merely about dunya matter but this simply will drag you until the hereafter. All of our honesty and deeds will be questioned by Allah. Are we ready for hereafter's punishments? So yeah, I take it as a lesson. 

Last but not least, I really wanna say that 'What Goes Around Comes Around'.

Undoubtedly and absolutely yes!

Because it happened to me when I bought something (I don't remember what it is) at a store and the cashier also miscalculated it and it made me loss about RM 50. But alhamdulillah.. lucky me, lucky me there was a fine lady at my back who was in queue, asked the cashier to calculate it again and at that time, I actually didn't know what is going on and she told me that the cashier miscalculated it. Alhamdullillah, I'm really grateful for her awareness. In short, this means, if you help others by being honest, Allah also will send people to help you too in future.

Dear everyone and me,

Please, please and please be honest when this happens to you because it is a respected value (everyone knows right). The cashier might not know that he/she miscalculates the stuffs so beware and be honest. By being honest, you might cheer up someone's live or maybe save their money for goods even for one ringgit. Who knows. There's a lot of stories about the unfortunate related to money. Take note. 

Itu je pilihan yang ada.

Thoughtful Question

Alhamdulillah! I'm so grateful that I get the chance to fasting (fully) at home this year. In fact, I've became closer and closer to my mom, as I'm the only one 'anak dara' yang jobless and has nothing important to do during my long break except for taking care of my nephew, Firas Mikail (Ya Allah he's only 14 months but so hyperactive). So after terawih, usually mom and me will have supper and do some chit-chat. And in one of the topics that we were talking, suddenly she asked me a question that made me out of words. 

"Kenapa kakak nak jaga hati orang lain je?"

My answer for mom's question was "Entah, tak tahu".

Because I don't really know why.

Why I Love Ramadan?

I love Ramadan because that kid who never prays, prays. That girl who never covers, covers. That guy who never fasts, fasts. Even if its just for a month, at least these 'types' of people tasted the 'sweetness of faith' just for one month. And perhaps months later down in life, if their life ever becomes bitter -- they'll refer back to Ramadan and yearn that same 'sweetness' they sampled just that one month. You call them "Only Ramadan Muslims" but I call them "Muslims who may ONLY need Ramadan to change".

By the way, I think it is not too late for me to wish Happy Fasting to all muslim. Yay!ヽ(^o^)ノ

Mutual Respect

Yesterday, I went to SMKA Naim Lil-Banat for an activity and I made new friends. I was so surprised like wow I made friends with Malay, Chinese and even Indian only for a few hours, and they are older than me. They are studying at USM Kelantan, taking diploma course in.. I can't recall what it is but undoubtedly it's science course *facepalm*. And there's a Chinese girl named Mei, like oh my god, she paid full attention to my nonsense babbling. She looked me in the eyes and nodded when I was talking and I was like hey babe we have mutual respect ahaks. Hahaha! I don't know why I like Mei but she's kinda friendly but shy in the meantime and I can get along with her very well. She asked me a lot of questions, and I tell her everything that I know but I think she knew what I was going to talk about but she didn't interrupt me and I call it respect, I repeat respect. I really appreciate the existence of this kind of people like it's so hard to find these days. This might be because I have met 'dia yang paling tahu' people and they annoyed me. Everytime. Have you ever encountered this situation? For instance:

Ali/ Abu conversation

"Eh kau tahu tak, Cikgu Zam ajar aku math ni macam ni macam ni la. Tapi kan lepas tu Ahmad ajar aku cara yang lagi senang dowh, bagus ar dia kan. Cara dia ajar pun mudah faham."

"Aku dah tahulah cara yang Ahmad ajar tu.."

Like what?! "Aku dah tahulah..." punya ayat is not a respect at all. For me, it is impolite. You can't say to your friends like "Aku dah tahulah..." kind of ayat because it hurts. It might hurts people who talk to you with their full enthusiasm. At least, you have to let them finish their words first and then say "Ha'a dia ajar senang kan". Just agreed! Unless your friends tu jenis yang cakap benda yang sama beratus-ratus kali, I'll just say "Sebenarnya kau dah cakap semalam"

Maybe it's just me that over-think a simple matter but for me, I think I'm trying my best to do not hurt people's feelings with words. Let's change for goods! Last but not least, before I end this entry I would like to share one of my favourites Grumpy Cat's tweet.

"It's so rude to talk when I'm interrupt!"

Daisy's Dream

Have you ever dreamt of going somewhere with a person that you love and have a deeper conversation all the way the trip? Because I have, always have. I think it will be so sweet yet kinda surreal to have a short or long vacation after midnight and do all the crazy stuffs that you haven't done before. If I have the chance to do it so one day, I want that day becomes the best day of my life and do it with my husband which is idk who yet. Before the trip, I want to buy a lot of junk food, chocolates, soft drinks etc (a must! haha) and then escape from the reality even for a few hours. I wanna go to the amusement park where the clowns always plaster a smile on their face, where kids freely running around without worries, where I can be as childish as I wanna be forever, where my dumbest jokes are made and my partner will always laugh. I wanna ask him to play everything in the amusement park and bully him as like I've never done it to anyone else before. Then, I want to stroll hand in hand, share ice-cream and popcorns, ride on merry-go-around and walk in the park together. Also, I wanna ask him about his fears, hopes, favourite colours and his bitter memories if he doesn't mind. I really wanna have a deeper conversation as I'm keeping myself to him. I wanna lie on the grass and he doesn't mind in joining me yet asks me to count the stars on the rooftop and then we'll take a lot of polaroid photos and hang its in our room. After all, at the end of the day, I just wanna wake up in his arms.

Sounds cheesy and dreamy isn't? Yet again, I'm reminded myself that I ain't a princess, ain't a girl who people pay attention for but I'm seriously okay with that. My life ain't a fairy tale, ain't a romantic movie and I don't really put high expectation in my dreams. I just dream because who'd choose a daisy in the garden of roses in real life?

 

Never Shout Never // Iloveyoumorethanyouwilleverknow

How's Your June?

Hi,

I apparently didn't start my June with good things, as I accidentally scratched my father's car (a big part of it) and broke my android screen on the first June. But lucky me, the things are still working. Pheww *breaths normally* alhamdulillah. I realize that for 19 years of my life, I broke so many important things, especially my family members' stuffs. When I was a kid, I broke glasses, watches (my sister's Swatch), my mom's favourite vases, plates, lipsticks and Bonia watch too. Nevertheless, I still can say that I'm lucky, because my family members didn't get mad at me. Maybe they were disappointed but they didn't yell the shit out of me like keep on nagging all day long or whatnots, which means I should be more grateful for having them as my family. Alhamdulillah.. and yup I still have a long holiday and I surely will spend it at my house and..

I don't know what kind of things I'm going to damage in the future.

  

Can't Wait for Ramadan!

I'm so looking forward to the merriest month of the year, which is Ramadan and I'm pretty sure that all of my friends, every Muslims feel the same way too. But, do we have any desire to prepare for Ramadan? *repeated question to myself*. When I bringing back those Ramadan's memories, I found that there's always a thing that I missed out to do in Ramadhan which is istiqamah or in the other word is steadfast. I've searched and found a few tips on how to remain steadfast and I really wanna share this with you guys.

How to remain steadfast in Ramadan?

✿ Keep  the company of good people. (Man is on the deen of his friends)

✿ Keep connected to the Qur’an, through its recital, study and implementation.

✿ Reflect and question yourself daily.

( E.g) "Are you headed the right way? Are your intentions sincere?"

✿ Learn to take advice from others.

So there you go, a few tips that might help us less or more, inshaAllah. It may seems cliche but hey it doesn't mean it is not profound and I think we can OR have to practice it starting from now. Remember, this is actually not only for Ramadan but for the rest of our live. Don't you think that getting ready for something good is good? As for me, I've always want Ramadan spirit for every months. Kita manusia, ada masa iman kita ni naik turun naik turun kan and my worst fear is kalau iman turun.. tak naik naik, kan sadis pulak jalan cerita kita ke syurga nanti. Therefore, lets surround ourselves with good people then inshaAllah we will be good. 

May this Ramadan is the best Ramadan of our life. Tabarakallah.

After a Year

Recently, aku pergi satu program kat sekolah lama; Program Alumni Prihatin.

So there's a lot of new students that I didn't know, long time no see yang budak-budak batch aku, Kaizen. Then this one guy, I don't want to mention who, but at that time he was holding a DSLR while wander around the stage and hall taking pictures. And when he approached me, aku macam awkward lah sebab dah lama gila tak borak dengan dia. But actually memang aku jenis yang tak bercakap mana dengan budak batch aku pon especially lelaki, banyak yang sekadar tegur-tegur "hai mijaa" "hai" gitu jelah. So it was totally awkward and he asked me to make a pose or smile as he wanted to take a picture of me. Bagi aku benda tu tak salah pon, its just I'm not used to it and dah setahun kita tak jumpa. It doesn't appropriate for me to make a pose (alone) for a male photographer which is an ajnabi guy haha you know that kind of things. Here is the conversation when he approached me.

Guy : Mijaa, senyumlah nak amik gambar (while holding his DSLR)

Me : Eh takpelah, taknak taknak. Lagipun aku sorang je ni (I was alone and it was awkward!)

And there's another guy came and asked to take a picture of us. Lagilah aku taknak ohoi!

Me : Erm takpe taknak taknak.

Guy : Ala jomlah, memori ni kan, lagipun kecantikkan tu perlulah diabadikan.

Me : Haha takpayahlah. Tak kekal pon kecantikkan tu (waving hand)

Guy : Sebab tu lah kita ambik gambar. Jom jom.

Me : Hm tapi tak cantik pon, takpayahlah..

Finally, he refused to take a picture of me and I was so relieved I don't know how to describe it. Perasaan dan reaksi aku sekarang dah banyak berubah and I think it is good for me. Perlahan-lahan kan kita nak jadi better dari sebelum ni? But hey I'm not blaming others pon if they don't understand me. It is just me that don't know how to clarify things and approach people. I just hope to be a better muslimah by not hurting others. Tak salahkan?

Important Results in May

Alhamdulillah, finally I've got my exam results. I didn't hit my target but ya ya its serve me right. Actually they are MUET and final semester result. They both were okay but wait MUET, can I cry a river for it? I don't know why I'm suck at MUET and I think I've put a lot of efforts on it. Maybe it wasn't enough or maybe Allah wants me to work and pray harder, oh yes. SNAP!

By the way, thinking about results, its lead me to think about my UPU applications. I really have a low self-opinion about myself that I'll get first intake of degree. Its true that 'having a low opinion about yourself is not modesty, but it is self-destruction', but this is something unsure but the negative side seems agree with my inner thoughts. For me, it is okay to wait for second intake degree as long as I get my favourite course which is TESL (Education). It is just only people's expectations that I can't stand.

However, I'm not going to give up. Never at all. One important thing I'll just bear in mind,

His plans definitely are the best for me.

Doakan saya ya sahabat :)

Sir Burn

*knock knock*

"Who's there?"

"Sir Burn"

"Sir Burn who?"

"Sebern lah"

*knock knock*

"Sir Burn whoooo?!"

*knock knock"

"Dan sebenarnya ku mengharapkan di sebalik senyumanmu itu.. kau juga.. merindui aku~"

Favourite Vlogger

"Make sure your mother is happy with you, without making Allah unhappy" - Aiman Azlan

di Dewan Syura Al-Mizan, 

UiTM Lendu.

Ups and Downs

So, that's how life supposed to be. It goes cycle and sometimes when we feel that we can't bear with downs, there's one thing that we always forget to do; return to Him.  And there's one lesson that I learnt recently. A lesson that taught me to be a tougher person, to be a better person, to be a good worshipper to Allah in order to encounter the future and the hereafter. Also, I beg my parents' apologize; Mama and Abah, I made both of you disappointed this time :(. But I've believed that Allah is the Most Merciful as He sent a good friend for me to give supports and positive thoughts. Mama also called me yesterday and we had a nice conversation and she said that no matter how easy or hard I go through my days, don't ever forget Him; do pray, do make duas everyday as Allah is the Most, Best Listener. 

Ya Allah,

Alhamdulillah for another day.

Alhamdulillah for another chance to make today a better yesterday.

Alhamdulillah for everyday.

All in all, Alhamdulillah for these kind people.

Hadiah

Dah seminggu kat Melaka lepas cuti mid sem, Ya Allah rindunya rumah! Kalau sekarang ni aku boleh packing barang-barang pastu balik rumah Allah heavennya! Bukan, ni bukan soal lari dari masalah atau tanggungjawab, it’s just that sometimes I feel like I don’t belong here. Something is missing, a part of me, sort of.  I don’t know. Oh btw, a few days ago, I suddenly got a present from a friend, subhanallah terkejut jugak tiba-tiba dapat hadiah ni. Yelah, sungguh.  Biasanya tak dapat hadiah unless kalau birthday dan bila dapat ni rasa terharu sangat. Even though, maybe untuk sesetengah orang tak berapa besar pon nilainya, tapi bagi aku mashaAllah besar nilainya tu sebab hadiahnya cukup bermakna buat aku. Tapi tak bolehlah nak mention apa dia kan, sebab pemberinya mahu ia dirahsiakan. Cukuplah sekadar kalau orang lain tahu pemberian itu sebagai tanda ingatan tulus ikhlas dari seorang sahabat. Seorang sahabat yang aku kenal di Lendu, Melaka.

Terima kasih awak.  

Semoga nanti kita bertemu di Sorga! Ameen.

Perlahan-lahan

Kalau boleh nak rajin lagi menulis blog, walaupun takde orang nak baca, takpe takpe. Kita sendiri baca apa yang kita tulis pun apa salahnya kan? Marilah kita merajinkan diri. Perlahan-lahan, inshaAllah :)