Stay There

We cry over
Friends we will never have back
People we once loved
Bridges that have been burnt
Things that have been broken
But there's a reason
The past is in the past.
You only have so much
Room in your life,
Save it
For people that deserve it.
Chances are,
If someone's in the past,
They deserve to
Stay there.

Dear self,
Please lock the door of the past
And try to open up to a new beginning.

Al-Ghaffar

You told me that you couldn’t escape;

darkness, your permanent companion,

swallowed you whole in your prison.

Wherever you look, wherever you move,

your tired eyes must meet

and your weak body must painfully hit

those stacked black bricks

of the sins you had built up.

And I told you

no matter how high those walls are,

no matter how thick those layers,

light will shine through one day.

Your misery shall break and powder,

every single dust grain shall flee,

if you just tasted

the sweetness of repentance

to Al-Ghaffar, The Forgiving.

Aku

Aku sedih.
Aku tulis pasal hati yang sakit.

Aku insaf,
Aku tulis tentang baiknya Tuhan.

Agaknya,
Rata rata yang memandang,
pasti meluat dengan aku yang kerap rapuh.

Bagi aku,
Senang.

Tak kira berapa kali kau sedih,
Yang utama adalah bagaimana kau tetap ingat Tuhan 

di balik tiap ujian yang terbentang dalam perjalanan.

Bukankah mukmin yang baik itu melihat kasih sayang Tuhan 

terpancar dari hebatnya tiap dugaan yang menyinggah?

Moga kita begitu.

Thinking About You

You invited yourself into my thoughts, as I held the door open for you, and you wanted to know how I’ve been. You asked if I still give you the time of day since you left. And quite honestly, I’ve tried my best to keep myself too busy to think about you. It feels like I’ve been aimlessly driving a car at full speed, but the moment I see you, I hit a wall. And I’m caught in that moment where I’ve just crashed, and everything is happening in slow motion. I’m caught in that moment with this sharp pain in my chest. I can’t get out, and I’m not sure if I’ll survive.

This is what thinking about you does to me.

Pernah

Pernah;

Aku lari cukup deras
Pekik nama engkau
di tengah padang luas
Jerit sehabis nafas
Paksa jiwa tidak tewas

Tapi sayang;

Yang ku kejar itu
Cuma bayang bayang
Yang berdiri tanpa orang
Aku terlambat
Sudah terlewat

Namun;

Masih diayun langkah itu
Masih jerit perit penuh semangat
Walau jiwa sudah lama ranap

Masih

Balik rumah sekejap yang cuma dapat tatap muka mama abah kita
dalam masa kurang 60 minit itu pun jadi lah.

Cium peluk mereka.
Rakam suara mereka.
Hidu bau mereka.
Simpan dalam kocek.

Harap harap bau itu masih kekal ada.
Walau hujung dunia ku kendong ia.

Harap harap perakam peti suara masih berguna.
Biar berkali kali ku ulangi rakamannya.

Suara mereka mereka yang ku rindu itu.
Masih kekal dalam rakaman minda ku.

Masih.

Eksotikata² 2014

Aku suka puisi, daripada puisi jalanan ke puisi kontemporari ke puisi klasik; segala macam puisi engkau namakan saja. Aku suka puisi dan di sepanjang kehidupanku, puisi yang diperdengarkan aku yang paling aku suka ialah Puisi Seruan dari Tuhan. KalimahNya yang engkau laungkan saban hari, memanggil-manggil kita untuk menuju kejayaan. 

Tapi bukan itu pokok yang aku ingin ceritakan di sini. Cerita pokoknya perihal seorang gadis yang begitu mencintai puisi, berusaha untuk ketemu dua pemuisi yang dia suka. Wani Ardy dan Fazleena Hishamuddin. Tak lupa, terima kasih buat sahabat-sahabat yang menemani aku. 

Bukankah kecurigaan telah terbunuh ketika kita bersapa?

Usman Awang

Pemuda dan Gadis Tionghoa, 1961

Puisi yang direkod; 011114

Orang Bukan Faham

“Orang bukan faham pun apa kita rasa.

Kita menjeritlah.

Menangislah.

Orang tetap tak rasa dan tahu.

Melainkan Dia.

Tetapi kita ni,

tetap juga nak utamakan manusia melebihi Dia.

Walhalnya ujian dan masalah itu adalah

kasih sayang Dia pada kita.

Luahlah  pada Dia.

Kenapa perlu manusia.

Mungkin Allah tak beri respon yang memuaskan.

Gitu?

Tidak.

Allah itu Maha Memahami.

Maha Mengetahui.

Setiap corong dan celah yang kita

sembunyikan sakit itu pun Dia tetap tahu dan rasa.

Tapi,

Dia minta kita kuat.

Bukan minta kita lemah.

Bukan minta kita bersangka buruk

padaNya.

Berdoalah.

Bersujudlah.

Dengan berdoa dan bersujud itu.

Dia akan berikan kita kekuatan yang

Luar biasa.”

Homies

There's a lot of stories about myself that are better left unsaid. Unpredictable things that have happened to me, I'll take it as lessons. I actually have came to the point where I have to agree on what Hlovate said in her book, Rooftop Rant. But please don't judge what we don't even bother to understand.

"There're times when strangers are like family, and family are like strangers" 

- Rooftop Rant, Hlovate

MSU di Hatiku ❤

"You wouldn't find any university that located in front of the highway and behind a river in Malaysia. And never underestimate a university's capabilities based on its field size because we have Stadium Shah Alam nearby" -  Dato'Rosli Yusof (Vice President, Corporate Communication)

I've been here, in Management & Science University (MSU) for about almost 3 weeks and I got to say that MSU is great, yes so far. I have good housemates in Brunsfield, good project manager, met good friends. I also have my bestfriend from Lendu in MSU which makes my life merrier than I imagined. The orientation also went well. My group which named Bryan Adams 14 had to perform ballet dance ahh that was so embarassing but funny event! We all got a chance to see medic (MBBS) students dancing, how cool was that huh? ( ｰ̀εｰ́ ) I wouldn't compare my orientation week with public universities' orientation because in here, we have slightly different rules that we all have to practice but undoubtedly it's totally good in here. Alhamdulillah.. and I even love MSU's theme songs especially Jasamu Di Hati. Hahaha I have to admit that sometimes I will unconsciously spontaneously  karaoke that song in bathroom. So, I would like to share MSU's songs as I love this university.

#1 MSU Theme Song

#2 MSU Jasamu Di Hati

Budi dan jasamu kan sentiasa dihatiku
Di sinilah mindaku mula dibina
Membawaku ke puncak jaya

Suka duka di sini riang gembira
Kita bagaikan bersaudara
Kita melalui kenangan indah
Kembara ilmu bersejarah

Terima kasihku atas segala pengorbananmu
Management and Science University
MSU pilihanku segala jasamu dihatiku
Impian kita menjadi nyata

Cemerlang MSU,terbilang namamu
MSU pilihanku kebanggaan semua.

I'm gonna love this place and live my life to fullest in MSU ＼(>o<)ノ

The Chosen Path

Alhamdulillah, I still didn't get any spot or call to any public university to further my studies in degree level. I'm writing this, not because I want to brag or bitching around about my fate, NO. I just want to share my not-so-lucky-yet (read: tak ada rezeki lagi) experience to those who might think they are the only ones who have problems to handle. If any of my friends ask me what I feel about it, I just want to let you guys know that, I'm totally fine. I've came to the point where I've accustomed to the pains and I've picked every pieces of mine and glued it together. It's okay to experience this kind of failure so hard, so many times because I barely feel the pains now. Maybe just a little bit upset. 

But, Allah has a better plan for me. I got an offer to further my degree studies in Bachelor in Education (TESL) course at Management & Science University (MSU). Alhamdulillah.. but, frankly speaking, I'm not mentally ready to further my studies in private university as I know that the amount of money I'm gonna use is frigging a lot. As what I've surveyed, I have to rent a house eventho I'm in my first year of degree in Shah Alam. Heh. I really don't have to tell you guys how much it costs. Yes, the thing that really matters now is money. Abah and Mama told me to pursue my dream, as what I've started, I really have to accomplish it to the finish line. Money might not be a main issue for Abah but for me, to be that kind of daughter who is hard to ask for money from her parents, is a big issue. 

I really don't want to burden my family especially my parents with money some sort of stuffs, but I'm so lucky to own a responsible dad as Abah said "Iza tak payahlah fikir pasal duit untuk pergi belajar ni. Soal duit ni Mama dan Abah je fikir". I really feel like I wanna burst into tears when Abah directly said that to me. My life ain't a movie. But I really wanna end my studies with a happy ending. Thus, I've settled down the acceptance offer and education loan stuffs in these few days and I really wanna further my studies in MSU. These mean, there's no turning point for me any more. I shall not be remorse for what I've chosen today for my future. I believe Allah has a lot of hidden reasons why He puts me in these trials.

Hey! My road to success is under construction.

Pray

Pray when it hurts. When you are so down on your luck and you want someone to turn to. Pray when you are happy. When you finally got all that you wanted and even more. Pray when you are lost and confused. When you have no idea what's right or wrong. Pray to fill in the spaces, the gaps. Pray constantly and fervently in search of peace of mind and stability.

Pray, pray and pray as Allah will always listens to us.

Mom Worries

I didn't get any spot to any college for degree first intake and I feel so numb quite dumb. My parents worry about my future but what I supposed to react? Do I have to mourn, scream or cry over it because I can't further my studies yet? I'm no longer the old Iza who used to cry over the split milk, mom. I gotta be strong for what future awaits me. I'm not going to cry. I'm really not going to, never ever. 

My parents still worry, especially mom. She asked me why do I look like nothing has happened and I just shrugged and didn't reply because I don't know how to explain what I really feel inside. It is just my heart whispered, I've become stronger for what has killed me so many times. I call it somewhat rejections. I'm sad and you didn't know and I can't explain it how. I know God can't be so cruel to me as I've encountered a lot of conflicts in my foundation year. These times are hard but sooner or later, it will pass.

In Allah's plans, I fully trust. 

Duhai Hati yang Bersedih

Mahu tak sedih.

Orang lain gembira. Kau seorang, simpan dalam hati perasaan gembira, tak mampu nak diluahkan dek terlebih kisah duka daripada suka.

Mahu tak kecewa.

Orang lain ketawa sedang kau dari pagi petang malam bila berseorangan tak berhenti keluar air mata sebab beban makin hari makin memberat kau bawa.

Mahu tak rasa teraniaya.

Orang lain berbangga dengan kejayaan mereka, kau pula menyorok kerana tak ada satu apa yang boleh kau tunjuk pada mereka untuk dibangga.

Tapi.

__

Mahu tak rasa bahagia.

Orang lain bergembira, bergelak tawa sedangkan kau, diuji Dia. Bila depan Allah kau mengadu padaNya.

Satu nikmat. Nikmat dapat mengadu pada Rabb.

Allah uji sebab Allah sayang duhai sahabat, duhai saya. 

Bersabarlah, apa yang Allah simpan itu jauh lebih baik.

Kalau ujian setakat ini buat kau berputus asa dengan rahmatNya, fikirkan pula berapa banyak nikmat yang telah Dia kurnia. Countless. Infinity. Sabar tatkala diberi ujian. Syukur tatkala diberi nikmat. InsyaAllah. Dia redha.

- HanyaSekadarHamba 

Be Honest

Assalamualaikum and hi.

White people said 'Honesty is The Best Policy'. I couldn't agree more with that statement because I've encountered a few of 'honesty scenes'. Here is I want to share some stories.

Last night, my sisters and  I went to a book store. We bought a lot of stationary stuffs and I thought it might exceed the amount of money that we brought and at that time my big sister was waiting in the car with her little son. When my little sister and I were about to pay, and the cashier done with the calculation, I was so surprised because the things that we loaded on the cashier table only cost RM 17. I was so confused at that time because my lil sister bought a lot of exercise books (about 4 books) and pens. I honestly do not good in math but yup I still know that the cashier miscalculated it. So yes peeps, honesty is the best policy! What if someone will take it for granted? It might cause the cashier to pay it back to her employer or be fired. However, it is not merely about dunya matter but this simply will drag you until the hereafter. All of our honesty and deeds will be questioned by Allah. Are we ready for hereafter's punishments? So yeah, I take it as a lesson. 

Last but not least, I really wanna say that 'What Goes Around Comes Around'.

Undoubtedly and absolutely yes!

Because it happened to me when I bought something (I don't remember what it is) at a store and the cashier also miscalculated it and it made me loss about RM 50. But alhamdulillah.. lucky me, lucky me there was a fine lady at my back who was in queue, asked the cashier to calculate it again and at that time, I actually didn't know what is going on and she told me that the cashier miscalculated it. Alhamdullillah, I'm really grateful for her awareness. In short, this means, if you help others by being honest, Allah also will send people to help you too in future.

Dear everyone and me,

Please, please and please be honest when this happens to you because it is a respected value (everyone knows right). The cashier might not know that he/she miscalculates the stuffs so beware and be honest. By being honest, you might cheer up someone's live or maybe save their money for goods even for one ringgit. Who knows. There's a lot of stories about the unfortunate related to money. Take note. 

Itu je pilihan yang ada.

Thoughtful Question

Alhamdulillah! I'm so grateful that I get the chance to fasting (fully) at home this year. In fact, I've became closer and closer to my mom, as I'm the only one 'anak dara' yang jobless and has nothing important to do during my long break except for taking care of my nephew, Firas Mikail (Ya Allah he's only 14 months but so hyperactive). So after terawih, usually mom and me will have supper and do some chit-chat. And in one of the topics that we were talking, suddenly she asked me a question that made me out of words. 

"Kenapa kakak nak jaga hati orang lain je?"

My answer for mom's question was "Entah, tak tahu".

Because I don't really know why.

Why I Love Ramadan?

I love Ramadan because that kid who never prays, prays. That girl who never covers, covers. That guy who never fasts, fasts. Even if its just for a month, at least these 'types' of people tasted the 'sweetness of faith' just for one month. And perhaps months later down in life, if their life ever becomes bitter -- they'll refer back to Ramadan and yearn that same 'sweetness' they sampled just that one month. You call them "Only Ramadan Muslims" but I call them "Muslims who may ONLY need Ramadan to change".

By the way, I think it is not too late for me to wish Happy Fasting to all muslim. Yay!ヽ(^o^)ノ